It's just not quite like it used to be.

For one, in the past, I'd have never been up this late, lest Santa not come. 
Then again, I also wouldn't have wrapped my own presents? 
Oh yeah, and somehow I doubt that I'll be up at 5 a.m. either.

We can't even put anything under the tree, because of the holy terrors... er, cat and dogs.

I also doubt that we'll be reading the Christmas story or anything like that...
We all know it anyway.

I guess part of it is that I'm irrationally missing having a father... 

Anyways... on other subjects:

It's been bugging me all day how I'm "the baby" and I'm "all grown up" now.
I think that's part of why Christmas is so different this year...
I hear my friends complaining about little siblings, and I get a bit jealous. 
They don't realize what they've got. 

I'm also trying to figure out how to tell my mom that her best friend is incredibly fake... I don't want to hurt her, because she's the first "real" friend my mom's had in years... but appearantly she talks behind her back, and sees her life as a game.

Oh, and the one thing that's just absolutely killing me is that someone pointed out, I'm probably never going to have kids... Sadly, they're right, I probably won't. My lifestyle is never going to slow down enough to support that, and that bothers me, because I like my lifestyle. I'm not completely sure how we even got on the subject, but it was randomly thrown out there today. I'm not really the "2.5 kids- white picket-fence" kinda girl.
If I had a kid, I wouldn't know what to do with it... So maybe it's not bad... it's probably smart... I wouldn't want to put someone else through growing up without a parent, especially not a mom... I guess it's stupid that it's annoying me, but then I know she was right, it's just not me. I'm never going to be the one who's videoing her little girl trying to unwrap presents while playing with the bow, or her little boy attempting to climb up the tree... I don't know, it just bothers me.

Maybe seeing my niece and nephews later this week will make everything okay.

but I've been slightly pre-occupied.
A kitten, a science project, recitals, concerts, and auditions...
too much and not enough time, especially since Asher and Jazz are hosting a competition to see who can cause the most mass destruction.
Becoming a mommy has been an interesting experience... I'm still not quite used to waking up to a meow to be let out. I have to say that the litlle fuzzball has been quite helpful. He's overly protective of me. It's adorable.
In between everything, I've started writing again. I've also got in the extremely odd habit of conjugating verbs in French... As well as "playing my scales" on a pencil. I haven't had much time to talk to my friends lately. I feel slightly left out of the loop. I'm happy though, my hermit-ish ways got me 3rd chair in symphonic band, quite the achievement for a "freshie" so to speak. I'm going to challenge after the break though. 2nd will be mine! I don't want to listen to a bad piccolo all year.
Oh, and latest habit.... Hot chocolate! It's kinda random, but yeah. I'm addicted.
I've actually started answering questions in academic team. I'm proud of me.
Anyway, if you know me at all, you know I hate shopping in general. I can tolerate it with my friends, but still... In the last week, I've been shopping for more than an 3 hours more than 3 times- Not cool, especially since each involved dresses and skirts... but jewelry came out of it too, so I guess it's cool.
Well, I'm going to hang with my sis. Later.


The Surreal Sennyu-chan.