Someway, I'm going to fix this, love.
I'm going to, no matter what it takes.


Has anyone told you your parents are insane?
Just wondering...
Well, as it stands, this seems to be the only method of communication that we have until I can figure out how to work this out.


I know you don't want me to, but I love you, and I want to fix this... maybe even fix us.

There was such a freedom, such a beautiful rightness to what we had...

God, I can remember what it felt like when you'd kiss me... My world would vanish. I remember as though it were yesterday how it felt to have our bodies meld together, how much peace and safety that was there.

I don't want to, but I'm trying to push myself to move on. I can't though.

Especially not, knowing that your parents aren't letting you date anymore, all because you made a bad decision and asked me to be yours. I made one when I said yes, because I knew it could get you into trouble. I wish I hadn't, for your sake only, but I don't regret it. How can I, when so much came from the hundred days we had of being "us" instead of you and me?

I'm so sorry, but I can't seem to accomplish this.
No matter how hard I try, I keep coming back to you.

I honestly feel like it's my fault that everything happened with him, just because I thought that kissing him would make me move on from you. He told me he'd make everything ok. He promised me he'd be mine... He swore that he'd love me and protect me. All he did was hurt me. Break me. Kill what remained of an already shattered innocence. All for nothing. Lust, not love, right? Everything happened, just because I trusted him.

I want, so desperately, to get over you. I can't seem to.
Not when you've never done me wrong... I was horrible to you... I lied, cheated, stole your innocence away from you. I don't deserve you. It's no wonder you don't want me anymore. I asked you what you wanted from me. You said you didn't want anything from me, that you just wanted me to be me. I don't know how to be me anymore. I don't know how to be me without you... I became so accustomed to coming home and talking to you. Even before we dated. I can't do that anymore, and it's my fault.
I'm sorry, babe.

I'll never forgive myself for what I've done to you, but I've ways of making it disappear, and though I've yet to break the biggest promises I've made to you, I don't know how much longer it will last. I don't know how much longer I can stare into a mirror and not recognize the person staring back.




I love you, even if you don't love me back.
I'm sorry for everything I've done to you.
I'm sorry for the pain and hurt I've caused you.
I'm sorry for distracting you.
I love you, my penguin.



-Surreal no more