When I was little, I thought it was so cool and everything... the prince gives the princess lots of love by showering her with hearts and candy and flowers. Then in recent years, it seemed more like an overly-Hallmark-ed holiday that had no real point. I never wanted to actually have a lover of some sort on Valentine's, because I felt like it would be too much commitment, to actually spend that much time with someone on such a day. Recently, I realized just how much I want to commit myself to you... I mean, I'm giving you everything I can, mind, body, and soul. You have my heart. Completely. I want to be yours for the rest of my life. I want you to be mine. I don't need some stupid day to dictate my feelings, because that's already been taken care of, and thus I'm hopelessly, deeply, truly in love with you.

                                           Forever yours - Surreal ♥

I shouldn't have even brought it up. I should have known I was just stirring trouble, but no, I just can't stop myself from doing that, now can I?
I didn't want you to be supportive, I wanted you to remind me that I'm yours, I wanted to know you'd fight for me.
The feeling that you're okay just to let me go back to some jackass who treats me like shit really isn't a great feeling.
You didn't do anything, so don't say that you did.
If anything upset me, it's that you didn't do anything.

It was my fault for starting this, so don't worry about it.
I was upset, but I shouldn't have said anything.
I'm not even sure if I like him, but it's pointless, because I know he doesn't care about me at all.
I might, very questionably, like him, but what part of I LOVE YOU do you miss?
I don't understand!?!

I've walked around all day as this melting pot of emotions, trying to sort them out but keep getting them all muddy. It didn't help that my "big bro" is close enough to me that he could easily become more on accident. It didn't help knowing his girlfriend who used to be one of my best friends had no idea he was with me all day. It really didn't help knowing neither of us were entirely happy with our lives, because you're terrified of hurting me physically and emotionally so you treat me like a porcelain doll, and he can't seem to be gentle enough with her and they're always fighting about something. Then he asks me what happened to the him that was everything to me for so long and I can't give him an answer, because I don't know. I don't know.
I. don't. freaking. know. I hate not knowing. Add in past experience, and it scares the hell out of me.

I just using you until he decides I'm good enough? I hope not. I hope and pray to God and whoever else is listening I'm not. I love you. I don't want to do this to either of us. We had everything all nice and smooth, and here I go throwing nuts in the batter. I'm sorry. I really am.

OMG, I am so stupid at times......

I can't believe I said that.......

I am so stupid at times.......

You have been trying to teach me to trust you and get me comfortable with thinking openly with you...... Yet I still can't bring myself to say somethings to you...... I just can't make myself say somethings to you..... I just can't get my voice to work.......

I just can't stand the thought of  being another guy to break your heart.....

YES! It scared the hell out of when you said that you weren't sure that you didn't like him any more..... YES! I was so absolutely worried that you might want to get back together with him....... Oh God YES! I was to the point of being terrified that I might lose you after all that we have been through...... I don't know why I can't bring myself to say such things to you....... I just can't stand the thought of making you feel bad or making you worried about hurting me....... That is why I said I would be alright with it if you did get back together with him..... I don't want you to, but I don't want to be selfish and keep you from what you want........

I want to make you happy..... I still want to be the one to pick up the pieces..... I still want to be the one to put you back together again and make you perfect again....... I thought you would want me to be supportive and comforting in that...... I thought that if I said anything like I am now I would just make it worse for you...... I figured that if I said any of this then you would feel horrible for those thoughts.......

Thinking logically and realistically is my comfort zone still...... When I get scared or nervous I rationalize the problem and cope with it by trying to get over it...... I just don't want you to feel bad if you do leave me...... I would hate myself if all that I am saying now caused you to feel even worse about having thoughts like that or if you actually did get back together with him.....

I don't want to lose you but I don't want to confine you and make you think you killed me inside if you did one day leave me.......

But when you said not to bother calling you back I nearly died inside..... I can not believe that I screwed up this bad..... I mean I have blown myself out of the water before but this has got to be it.... No more water left to blow myself out of....... I really hit rock bottom this time.......

I am so sorry...... Oh God I am sorry...... Just pease don't....... Just don't feel bad for me or about how you treated me later after this....... If there will be an after so to say....... Just do what ever you want...... What ever you feel you want, what ever you like.....

Just promise me that you won't let how I feel cloud your judgement......